A woman with no face

dd

I’m a woman whose woman all over the place. Life of my own. Life of fantasy. 

Demon to some and angel to others. You can decide. I know it all.

I fly by as a light kind of energy. I can’t stay. No rules. Just play. 

No personality. No definition. Just infinite compassion and love. 

Detached from this world that’s not ours. Not yours or mine.

That’s why I must keep on moving. Overseeing it all. Even if I fall.

Beauty or darkness. I love it all. Total surrender to the nature’s call. 

 

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The singing man

He was never just an ordinary man. He was a useless husband, an unstable father and the biggest ladies man in the town, with multiple families. He had eyes that couldn’t stop staring and touching all those beautiful bodies that constantly surrounded him. How could he resist? Everyone wanted to have a piece of this tall, handsome man with deep blue eyes. And of course, he had a ‘generous’ soul. Another Diego Rivera, among many.
The only difference was that he didn’t paint. Instead he wrote deeply, preached passionately and when he sang, the whole world around him fell quiet. For a second, all the worries were forgotten and the walls echoed back only the sound of the guitar and his voice.

His dream was to become the pastor of his local church. He was loved by his men. In his prayer group, he was just a simple man with a honest and sincere heart, that had the ability to comfort every weary soul. But his dream of becoming a missionary, a follower of Mother Theresa, never came true. Like every other place in the society, he realized even his church was no different to it’s tricks and games that it played to it’s people. He wanted to bring in the change and make a difference, but was quickly considered as a threat instead and therefore rejected.
His men were his life and losing them broke him. He never recovered from this fall and lost all his faith. After that all the former habits of seeking pleasure of all kinds came running back- women, alcohol, excess sleeping and smoking. He left everyone in his life, including his second family.

Last years of his life were spent as an ordinary man- a truck driver, delivering goods to the local stores. Sometimes alone, sometimes together with his youngest daughter. It’s when he also started to form a genuine friendship with his wife again.
But before he died, he saw a dream which warned him to either return to his family or continue his lustful ways and be punished. He made the wrong choice and disappeared forever…

Illusion

Hypnotised, she kept on humming. But no words could capture the essence of her emotions- feelings of loneliness, despair.. confusion. She thought she had left it all behind her. In her dark past. She thought she had found her perfect life, the light she was searching for. It had been simple and plain- never something too grand to wish for. But even simple things can lead into an illusion.

Suddenly, a childhood memory of her brother and her, playing together, took her away… Back to the ‘Neverland’, where he used to “fly” her by jumping from one bed to another. Eyes closed, she knew it wasn’t real but decided to believe otherwise, by never opening them again. Until twenty five years later, when she had finally realized that one would not be better from the other.

An illusion within an illusion.

Hypnotised

There she is again, sitting and staring into the darkness not knowing if it would swallow her one day, make her disappear. Just dissolve into the void that she now feels physically entering into her being. Perhaps the same had happened with her father, who was one day here and gone the next. Although he never really was permanently around, his full absence had quickly shuttered all of her, already fragile, world into pieces. Rest of it was a mystery. A domino effect.

And now all that ever echoed in her ears, while thinking of this man, was the sad song, created by the first love of her life. “It’s never been so dark, but the light is shining through, I must go, until I reach the end…”. She had sang it yesterday, while lying down in the bed, yet another one of those sleepless nights. In fact she sang it every time, when she felt lonely or down. “It’s so dark, it’s so dark, It’s so cold, It’s so cold, I wish you were here, so we could talk once more, once more…”.

“If I’d see you once again, I would say I love you.. Always. And always I will be… Missing you. Missing you. I’m so alone, in the dark.”

But she never really knew exactly whom she missed or if there was any light left in the world. God, knows where things had begun? She struggled to breach the line of the many endings; either those to come, or those that had long outlived themselves. It almost didn’t even matter anymore where she was going. She was hypnotised.